Girl Scout Cookies
by RussM
Summary: When a haunting threatens Gotham's supply of Girl Scout cookies Harley Quinn steps in to save the day. And when that fails who's she gonna call? D/V pairing and some smut so don't like, don't read.
1. Harley Wanna Cookie!

Harley Wanna Cookie!

If there was a city that could have had 'dysfunctional' as a motto then it would be Gotham. A sprawling mass of buildings awash with social inequality, crime and corruption. Even the more peaceful suburbs like Burnside regularly fell under the shadow of Gotham's ills. But for all its failings millions of ordinary people called it home. Away from the high machinations of The Joker and Batman people got on with their daily lives and routines.

It was one of Harley Quinn's favourite seasons of the year, not duck or wabbit but cookie season, Girl Scout Cookie season to be precise. Harley was pacing expectantly about her apartment waiting for the scouts to call at her apartment building.

"I've made cake and hot chocolate to…" Eggsy came out of the kitchen.

"QUIET! DON'T WANNA MISS THE DOORBELL!" Harley grabbed Eggsy by the collar as she shouted.

"You'll miss the apocalypse if you keep shouting like that." Coach spoke quietly, her hands moving over her braille book "Relax, I've got Red Tool and Big Tony on the roof acting as lookout. Just calm down, they'll be here soon enough..."

Sure enough Coach was right, at the first ding of the doorbell Harley rushed downstairs, grinning from ear to ear she threw the door open "Cookies!" she shouted throwing her arms wide to greet the tasty treats "I want cookies!" Silence, nothing, nada, zip. Harley looked down, there were two sad looking Girl Scouts standing at her doorstep, the oldest holding out a piece of paper while the youngest held onto the oldest.

Harley took the paper and looked at it "IOC?"

"I Owe C, cookie?" the eldest one said trying to control her quivering bottom lip "Please."

Harley looked into the eyes of the Girl Scouts, she could see they were being very brave, but that bravery was a fragile crust. Their eyes told just how important this was to them, and their despair at their situation. Harley pocketed the IOC note and handed them the money. She could see they had handfuls of these notes, few had wanted to buy an IOC.

"Wait there for a moment. Let me rustle up a few more customers for ya."

Harley went inside, the scouts looked at each other as the muffled sounds of banging, crashing and shouting came from inside, they shared a nervous glance when it all went quiet. Harley reappeared at the door blowing a strand of hair out of her face. She knelt down to be at eye level with them and handed over the more money for more IOC notes.

"So? What happened to the cookies, ya didn't eat 'em did ya?" she spoke in a cheerful tone, trying to lighten the mood by injecting humour. It didn't work.

"If we don't get the money we'll lose the hall and the scouts will close!" the eldest wailed "I heard Troop Leader say so!"

"There's nowhere else to go, I won't see my friends." The youngest joined in the wailing.

Harley looked about, this wasn't something she normally dealt with. As Dr Quinzel she was used to dealing with the most deranged inmates at Arkham Asylum, and so was totally unequipped to deal with these two. Fortunately Coach appeared at the door and took control of the situation.

"Ok. Ok, just take a few deep breaths then tell me what the problem is." Coach spoke in gentle, calming tones.

"T, there are no cookies," the eldest said.

"Nobody has them, they never arrived." the youngest joined in.

"But we, we need to sell them or…" the eldest Scout's face began to break.

"That's ok, you don't need to day anymore." Coach hushed them before they got too upset "I get the picture."

"I'm gonna do something about this, I want my cookies!" Harley raged, pacing about the steps "This isn't right, Girl Scouts sell cookies, it's, it's in the constitution!"

"It isn't."

"It is, life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And that means cookies!"

The girl guides had stopped crying and were watching Harley, unsure what was going to happen.

"Well," Coach moved her wheelchair out of the way of the door "why don't you go and find out what's going on?"

"Need ta change clothes!" Harley shouted as she pounded up the stairs.

Coach sighed, "Wait there please." She said to the scouts before going inside "Hey, nutbag! Wait for me."

The two scouts stood at the entrance and stared at the closed door, unsure of what had just happened or what they should do. While they were hesitating the door opened and a large egg-shaped head peeked out and smiled then came out and stood in front of them.

"Hi, Coach asked me to stay with you while Harley changes."

"Who are you?" They stared, even for a child raised in Gotham seeing a large sentient egg with metallic tentacles for legs was unusual.

"Eggsy." Eggsy smiled "Cake?" he brought a tentacle from behind his back on which were two large slices of cake.

The scouts smiled at each other, cake they understood. They all sat on the steps and the scouts tucked in.

"Ta Da!" Harley burst out of the door, dressed as a girl scout "Let's get a moving!"

Harley marched down the road towards the scout hut, the two girl scouts marching eagerly behind her their cookie mission forgotten.

The scout 'hut' was several blocks away and was a simple church hall. It was an annex of St Hildegard's church, a large gothic building set in a small area of green surrounded by spiked metal railings. St Hildegard's itself was one of the oldest buildings in Gotham, occupying as it did one of the few bits of the city that hadn't needed to be rebuilt over the years thanks to one super villain's or another plan. The church itself, and the hall had both seen better days and were constantly being patched up just enough to pass inspection. The church served a poor community so most resources went on supporting that community with food banks, soup kitchens, homework clubs and all manner of other services. In the grounds was an old oak tree which itself had seen better days but the children loved playing around.

Inside the hall was the Troop Leader, a woman in her late fifties. She was surprised to see the scouts back so soon. She hurried over, concerned that something untoward had occurred, and in a way she was right as the next person in was Harley Quinn.

"Troop Leader! This is Miss Quinn, she'd gonna make it all better!" the youngest blurted out.

Harley's mouth dropped open, this had just got more complicated. Troop Leader knew who Harley Quinn was, who didn't.

"You two go and get something to drink, I'll go and talk with Miss Quinn." The two scouts hurried off to get some juice while Troop Leader guided Harley into a side room.

"What happened to the cookies? I want cookies!"

"We can't sell what we don't have. The factory hasn't shipped cookies to us, or anyone in the area." The troop leader explained when out of earshot of the scouts. She had been chipper and upbeat when with the scouts, but was now worn-out and full of worry, everything was an uphill struggle. "The hall needs work and we need the funds."

"Can't ya just make cookies?"

The Troop Leader let out a sad sigh "Many of the children come from poor families, they can barely afford to put food on the table let alone make cookies to sell. Then there are those from the local orphanage…" Troop Leader shook her head sadly "And if the factory can't sell the cookies then they may close as well. It'll be a hammer blow to the community."

Harley's expression hardened, "Not on my watch." She growled under her breath. For all of her faults Harley had a heart, she cared for those she lived amongst. Even if it was in a dysfunctional and occasionally psychotically dangerous way, she cared. This was something she was going to sort out, personally.

"Where's ta factory?"


	2. Who Ya Gonna Call?

The factory occupied a couple of floors of a crumbling warehouse building a few blocks away. Many of the workers were standing outside, too scared to go in but afraid for their livelihoods to leave.

"Nobody panic, Harley's here!" Harley strode into the crowd, immediately she was the centre of attention "Now, lay it on me, what's happening?"

Everyone spoke at once, Harley crouched down with her fingers in her ears "Owwwwee, pipe down will ya, sheesh anyone think ya'd seen a ghost."

Eventually Harley managed to get a handle on what had happened. Through the jumbled tales of ghouls, monsters and other creepy things which had plagued the factory for days but it was the ghosts of workers who had supposedly died in the building many decades ago turning up for work that was the final straw for the current workers.

"Well I ain't afraid of no frigging ghosts!" Harley exclaimed to the cheering crowd, after all she had faced down no end of Gotham villains including the Joker, she had battled against alien entities with Power Girl, she'd even got involved in politics when she'd run for mayor. She'd survived all that and more, this was going to be easy; she could almost taste those cookies. She pushed open the doors to the factory and strode inside. Seconds later she was back out; her back pressed against the door holding it closed. She was as white as a sheet and breathing hard. She gave the onlookers a bright smile. "Emmm, f'got ma mallet. Never go ghost hunting without a mallet!" She strode off, "Just getting my mallet! Not running away." once out of sight she ran screaming for home.

Several minutes later Harley stumbled back round the corner mallet in hand having been dragged back by her gang of Harleys. She walked to the crowd, waving as if nothing had happened. As she approached the crowd began to chant Harley! Harley! Buoyed up by the cheers of the crowd Harley strode through the factory doors again, as the doors closed behind her she stood her ground in the centre of the lobby, her mallet held ready to swing a baseball bat.

"Bring it!" She shouted.

The sound of crashing, banging and fighting sounded through the door, the crowd cheered and looked expectantly at each other. Suddenly the doors burst open and a dishevelled Harley stumbled out. She slammed the doors shut and began to nail boards over the doors.

"Miss Quinn, why don't you call the JLA?" one of the scouts suggested.

Harley flinched at the suggestion but this was more of a case for those caped cuckoos than her. She could feel the eyes of the Girls Scouts as they stared at her, she could see tears welling up in some, hope fading in others. Harley pulled out her phone and people began to perk up. She put it on speaker phone then dialled as the Girl Scouts gathered round her.

 _"You have got through to the_ _ **Justice League of America!**_ _If you want to report a threat to the world press 1, a threat to democracy press 2, a threat to world peace press 3, a threat to both peace and democracy press 4…"_

Harley scratched her head, this wasn't what she'd expected.

"At least it's a toll-free number." She muttered and the menu droned on. There was a tug on her belt, Harley looked down to see one of the Girl Scouts; this one had long blond hair, blue eyes with a red scarf tied round her neck and a strong jawline.

"Miss Quinn, Miss Quinn I have a cousin who does this all the time for a living."

"What, being kept on hold by JLA?"

"No, he catches monsters and ghosts and werewolves and _allllll_ kinds of scary things." The girl waved her arms about to emphasize her point "and he has a van, and a…"

 _"…for Social Justice Warrior outrage related to Power Girl's boob window press *80085, for…"_

Harley hung up.

"Does he have one of these cockamamie phone menu doohickies?"

"Nope. And if you're lucky his friend's dog will answer the phone. He can speak!"

"Who, his friend of the dog?"

"Both." The scout was wide eyed, as if either case was a miracle. Harley smiled as she figured out who the scout was talking about.

"Last name's Jones huh?" Harley rested on the handle of her mallet, the scout nodded eagerly.

"They're hired! Now what was their number again?" Harley tapped her chin in thought.


	3. Yesterday, in Coolsville

"Bye boys, bye Scooby!" Daphne and Velma waved as Fred, Shaggy and Scooby walked through the boarding gate at Coolsville International airport.

"Smile and wave Velma, smile and wave." Daphne whispered through her smile.

"I am Daph." Velma replied then spoke up "Have fun boys, see you in a couple of weeks! Shag, don't forget to give Madds that book I gave you." Velma sighed with relief when the boys disappeared airside "And relax."

"Amen to that."

Daphne entwined her fingers with Velma's and they walked out of the airport towards the carpark.

"I bet he forgets."

Daphne nodded in agreement "Fred'll love NetCon. I hear that Jessica from Big Moose is going there."

"Jealous?" Velma raised an eyebrow.

"That it's in Maui, yeah."

Back at the gang's shared home the girls slumped on the sofa next to each other, two weeks with the house to themselves. "No more nets cluttering up the place," Daphne frowned and shifted in her seat.

"What the?" She lifted her backside off the couch and pulled a bolas from under her and tossed it in the corner of the room.

"Or Shaggy hogging all the bandwidth non-stop video chatting with Madds. The sooner we get a place for ourselves the better." Velma slid against Daphne who nodded. Daphne checked her phone, Fred and Shaggy's respective planes were both in the air now; she leant over to Velma with a mischievous grin on her face.

"Wine o'clock?"

"It's a bit early, but oh jinkies why not we're not doing anything tomorrow."

It was the next morning and the sun was already high in the sky but there were no signs of life in the gang's house. The living room was testament to just how hard the 'Scooby girls' could party when the 'Scooby boys' weren't around. There were empty bottles of wine, pizza boxes containing partially eaten pizza, boxes of sides, empty tubs of ice cream, and a trail of discarded clothes leading to the master bedroom. Everything was quiet and still, an ideal time for the phone to ring.

"Uhhhhhhhhh, go away." Daphne groaned as the phone jackhammered in her ears, she fumbled about trying to get the handset. Velma wrapped a pillow over her head and groaned. Finally Daphne found the phone and sat up to take the call.

"Hello, Daphne Incorporated, mystery speaking, I mean Mystery Incorporated... Dr Qunizel? Harley?" Daphne grimaced at the noise from the phone "No, no I haven't got a hangover. What is it...? Just, just send the details by email, yeah the address is on the website. We'll be there as soon as we can." Daphne flopped back into bed next to Velma.

"Hnnnnnn," Velma stretched "how did we get into bed?"

"I carried you, I think." Daphne said quietly, massaging her temples.

"No, I'm sure I carried you."

"Just 'cause you wanted to have your wicked way with me." Daphne lay against Velma with her head on her chest.

"And you didn't? You were the one plying me with alcohol all night." Velma stroked Daphne's back.

Daphne grinned "Guilty, but I also ordered all that takeaway to soak it up. I hope we put what's left in the fridge."

"Pfffff, cook anything long enough and hot enough you can eat it."

"Really," Daphne wiggled her eyebrows and snuggled into Velma, her fingers gently toying with one of Velma's nipples. "Someone is already hot enough to eat." Velma signed and held Daphne closer. Both awoke with a start an hour later, they looked at each other, there was only one thing to do. Daphne rolled over and grabbed Velma's phone. A few minutes later they were standing in the shower, Velma swayed slightly; her eyes trying to close while Daphne's head drooped then she woke with a start and a miniscule snort.

"Let's get this over with. Ready?" Velma looked at Daphne and placed a hand on the lever. Daphne bit her bottom lip and wrapped her hand around Velma's; they turned the handle together. Muffled squeals and screams filled the house as both were drenched in ice-cold water.

"Hey, nice an' perky," Velma stopped drying herself and tweaked one of Daphne's nipples still rock hard from the cold water.

"Jeepers." Daphne dropped her towel and covered her chest, "Later, when we've warmed up."

"But that could take weeks!" Velma shivered as she and Daphne put on dressing gowns "I bet Fred has been messing with the plumbing again. I don't care if he needs ice-cold water for a trap."

"Oh I wish he would just leave things well alone. At least the next bit is nice."

"Thank heavens for the WiFi coffee machine." Velma's teeth chattered as she entered the kitchen, pulled along by the smell of freshly made coffee.

While Velma did the coffee Daphne collected the remains of the pizza and sides then set them in the oven to warm for breakfast.

Having warmed up and had breakfast the girls got dressed then set to tidying up their bedroom, especially the toys littered about. Daphne put a canvas bag on the bed then fished out a set of keys to unlock the leather cuffs chained to the bedposts while Velma began to collect the toys strewn about the place.

"This got some use for sure." Velma winced slightly as she bent down and picked up a strap-on.

"I think your phrase was 'hold me down and plough me hard.'"

"I don't speak like that." Velma looked and sounded scandalized.

"You do after a bottle of wine." Daphne smiled and turned towards Velma.

"I…" Velma stopped speaking and looked to Daphne adorably guilty "It's your corrupting influence, I was an innocent and naïve maiden until I dated you."

"Really," Daphne pushed Velma onto the bed and lay down on top of her holding her hands over her head "So it wasn't you who on the first time we did it tied me down and showed me…"

"You always were a quick learner" Velma grinned "Still I didn't hear you complain."

"I had my mouth full at the time." Daphne kissed Velma on the lips.

"Nor after I thanked you if I recall." Velma reciprocated the kiss.

"I couldn't walk properly for the rest of the day! It was so embarrassing, I couldn't tell the boys why I was walking funny."

"Daphne?"

"Yes Vel?" Daphne spoke in innocent tones.

"Why did you just tie my wrists to the bed?" Velma tugged at the leather cuffs now buckled snugly round her wrists. Her fingers stretched out trying, failing to reach the buckles.

Daphne gave Velma an evil grin which sent shivers of anticipation down her spine.

"It's payback time." Daphne quickly secured Velma's ankles to the bottom corners of their bed.

"You're driving." Velma whispered, her mouth dry.

"I sure am Vel." Daphne straddled Velma and began to do a slow striptease, just the kind she knew got Velma all hot and bothered.


	4. Gotham welcomes careful mystery solvers

Due to the distance the girls flew to Gotham but would still arrive in the Mystery Machine. Over time Fred had placed a number of Mystery Machines located in strategic places about the country for situations like this, each one fitted out for the area. As this was Gotham it had a very special fit; more armoured car than panel van it sported chemical warfare equipment just in case they ran into The Joker or Scarecrow, smoke bomb dispensers and a range of other gadgets. Having collected their luggage and the Mystery Machine they headed downtown to where Harley lived. Daphne drove as promised while Velma navigated. They had a satnav but after Fred's recent experiences Daphne didn't trust them, especially those that talked back to you.

"Turning's coming up. Jinkies the traffic is heavy." Velma looked up from her map.

"I see it. Well this is Gotham, Coolsville is tiny in comparison."

Daphne got in lane for the downtown turnoff. By the turnoff a tramp sat clutching a brown paper bag. He was watching the traffic pulling onto the turning seeming to have nothing else better to do. All kinds of vehicle went by, from big rig to compact. Mixed amongst that was some special traffic, first came Batgirl and Nightwing on motorcycles, a few minutes later the Batmobile accompanied by a couple of GCPD SWAT vans and a few minutes later, bringing up the rear was the Mystery Machine. The tramp moved the bag to his lips and whispered into in.

"Scrub the heist boys, I think they're onto us, too much heat heading downtown for my liking. Get Mooch to pick me up at the turnoff."

"They're here! They're here!" Harley squeaked excitedly when she saw the Mystery Machine pull up outside her apartment.

"Calm down nutbag you don't want them to think you're the scary monster." A voice called from the kitchen, but it was too late Harley was already running downstairs. After a brief introduction to the Harleys Daphne and Velma sat on the sofa while Harley and Coach briefed them on what had happened. While this was going on figures moved through quietly the shadows towards Harley's apartment building. When they arrived at an alley by the side of the building each put on a white sheet with eyeholes cut out. A couple pulled out lengths of chain especially selected for rattleability while others readied smoke bombs. They huddled together by the exit of the alley.

"Booooooooo!"

"Booooooooo!"

"Oooooooooh!"

"Whoooo-hoooo!"

"There's always one."

"Right, let's go over the plan one more time. We throw in the smoke bombs then run about wailing and rattling chains. We do this for a few days then the man is going to send in an offer to take the place of their hands, cheap like, no one's going to want to buy a place that's haunted. Ready?" the hooded figures nodded. "Let's go."

The figures rushed out the alley and stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the Mystery Machine parked outside the front of the apartment. One threw their sheet on the ground in frustration, he sighed and turned to the others.

"As if being a criminal in this city isn't hard enough, they turn up. Oh well boys, back to securities fraud and insider training."

A while later Daphne sat on the steps to Harley's building sipping a soda while Harley and Coach arranged people for them to see. Daphne looked about, not for clues, just taking in the surroundings. She turned when she heard footsteps approaching from behind, she smiled as Velma walked out of the front door and sat next to her. Even better Velma had a bag of freshly made popcorn.

"Apparently you can make popcorn with a flamethrower and still keep your eyebrows." Velma held out the bag for Daphne "Not a skill I think I'll need again." They sat in silence sharing soda and popcorn for a while just being together.

"Apart from the bullet holes its nice here." Daphne said between popcorns. Velma couldn't help but smile as Daphne picked out individual popcorns and ate them one by one. Daphne contended that that eating popcorn by the handful meant you ate more. Velma doubted that given the speed at which Daphne picked out the corns. "We forgot one thing. A place to stay while we're here."

"I was going to look but after your 'revenge' I couldn't think straight." Velma gave a wry smile as she pulled out her phone and fired up the browser and began looking at the nearby budget hotels "This case is a freebie, I'm not charging the scouts for anything."

"Pfff no cheap Gotham dive for my girl."

"Harley did say we could stay at her place."

Daphne pulled out her phone and Blake family credit card "Hilton I think."  
"Daph, but, the cost."

Daphne smiled softly "Vel, my treat. Plus no one has attacked the Hilton with RPGs, helicopter gunships or mercenaries yet and they've had to rebuild Harley's place how many times?"

"True, but still the Hilton's expensive."

"Then happy anniversary." Daphne gave Velma a quick kiss on the lips.

"Not for 3 months and 4 days." Velma grinned, resting her head on Daphne's shoulder, Daphne rested her head on Velma's. Daphne made her mind up, when they got back they were getting a place of their own as soon as possible. Living with Fred, Shaggy and Scooby was fun but she just wanted to live with Velma.

It took a while for them to get to St Hildegard's as Harley insisted on taking numerous selfies of herself with the girls and especially the Mystery Machine. They finally managed to get Harley on board and they headed off to St Hildegard's, their first appointments were with the scout leaders and priest in charge to get information about the event at the factory and background on the area. Local information was important as it gave context, the factors at play and the key players in the local community.

"I'm Daphne Blake from Mystery Incorporated and this is Velma Dinkley." Daphne introduced them.

"Mrs Mallory, Troop Leader."

"Father Gibbons, Priest in charge." The pair shook Daphne and Velma's hands. Whilst Mystery Incorporated were not a famous as Batman on the JLA they were well known enough for them to be recognised. The fact that somebody was now paying attention lifted peoples spirits and people started to appear wanting to help. The Mystery Machine wasn't the most inconspicuous of vehicles and word soon got about that Mystery Incorporated were in town. It was clear from the oral history that there were enough old buildings in the area to warrant a huge tome of ghost stories but there was one thing that didn't seem right.

"But why here?" said Velma

"And why now?" finished Daphne

"Curious." They said in unison, both holding their chin in thought.

"Old married couple." Harley whispered under her breath.

The trip to the factory was delayed by the scouts who all took turns having photographs taken while they were sitting in the van. Neither of the girls minded, it was a positive distraction for the scouts, it seemed to boost their morale no end and gave them bragging rights to their friends. There was one person who was less pleased to see them however. Opposite the factory was a figure hidden in the shadows observing the comings and goings, keeping watch for signs of the factory being reopened. They frowned when they saw the Mystery Machine stop outside the factory and Daphne, Velma and Harley step out and go inside. They took a few photographs of them standing outside then walking into the building before hurrying off.

This was only a quick visit, Harley was too jumpy from her previous visit for them to do any serious clue hunting but it was enough for them to get the lie of the land and Identify areas for further investigation.

"Hmmmmm, volumetric projections no doubt. Possibly from up there." Velma scanned the higher areas of the factory space, taking photographs of areas where projectors might be. Daphne climbed up a ladder to take some photographs from a different vantage point, Velma couldn't resist peeking up Daphne's skirt while she was distracted. Tomorrow would be a full day of interviews and clue hunting but for now it was getting late, they took Harley back to her place, checked in with the scouts then it was time for them to check-in to their hotel.

While Velma knew intellectually Gotham was a city of contrasts nothing drove it home when comparing the area around St Hildegard's with the Gotham Hilton. It was a like someone with a platinum credit card and a princess fantasy had been given the job of decorating exterior the hotel. Fortunately once they were past the lobby the hotel became a more restrained gilded gothic affair which they both preferred. Daphne had got them a small suite, a place with enough space to unwind at the end of the day. It was an unusual feeling to have their luggage carried for them, normally they would be lugging their own bags up narrow staircases to draughty rooms. Daphne tipped the porters after they had set their luggage in the room, a generous tip to ensure their speedy departure.

"Hey, this looks fancy…" Velma peered into the room "Jinkies!" In one swift move Daphne swept Velma up into her arms and carried her bridal style into their hotel suite. She kicked the door closed then walked over to the bed. Daphne winced as she lay Velma on the covers.

"Back twinge?"

"Yeah," Daphne stretched her back "Didn't bend my knees right when I put you on the bed."

"Well hop on and I'll give your back a quick massage before dinner."

Daphne didn't need to be asked twice and was on the bed in a flash. Whilst Daphne would reluctantly concede that Velma's hands were more suited to bread making than gentle massage she would declare to anyone who would listen that it was only Velma's hands that could make her toes curl with delight and make other as yet undisclosed parts of her body tingle with anticipation. When Daphne's back felt better there was time for a quick shower to freshen up and change before dinner.

After a relaxed dinner the girls returned to their room to settle down. Velma was in a long orange t-shirt, sitting at the desk reviewing what they have so far, updating the case file and planning tomorrow's work while Daphne was busy in the bathroom getting ready for bed.

"Jeepers!" Daphne's voice echoed about the bathroom

"What's wrong Daph?" Velma looked up from her work wondering what the matter was.

"I forgot, this is the DCU."

"And?" Velma's face was a quizzical as her voice.

Daphne walked out from bathroom, her silk dressing gown seeming to strain against her body "In the DCU female characters can be over sexualized, I'm sure my boobs, bum and hips have just gotten bigger." Daphne looked quizzically over her shoulder at her backside.

"Well," Velma got up from the desk and approached Daphne, "normally I'd raise all kinds of moral and ethical objections as to how women can be represented in media."

Velma guided Daphne to the bed while she spoke then gently lay Daphne down on the bed and climbed on top of her "But in this case I'm not objecting."

Daphne closed her eyes as Velma began to cover her face with soft kisses, she gave a quiet sigh as Velma slowly pulled the robe aside and began to work down her body, toes curling with pleasure when Velma lingered at her breasts. It wasn't long before Daphne was pawing at the sheets, wrapping her legs round Velma's head to hold it in place as the tension inside her reached breaking point.


	5. Splitting Up Is Hard To Do

The next morning was clue hunting time, the girls were each taking some of the scouts with them. While the Troop Leaders gave the girl scouts a list of dos and don'ts Daphne and Velma stood in the corner of the room having a whispered discussion of their own.

"Velma Dinkley I am not danger prone!" Daphne leant against the wall next to Velma.

"But you are kidnap prone on occasions. Think Daph, we're thin on the ground. A beautiful girl alone in what might be the villain's lair." Velma waggled her eyebrows "You're too tempting a target I mean if I was them I'd kidnap you in a flash. The town hall and library are safer places."

"Exactly which is why you should go to the library. I can pick knots, you can't. Plus it's your natural habitat."

Velma rolled her eyes in response.

"Just 'cause you want me to rescue you again." Daphne playfully tapped Velma on the nose.

"Yeah, save me Daphne-Wan Kenobi, save me." Velma deadpanned.

"Ohhh that reminds me we need to pick up some Danish Pastries for the boys when we get back."

"Right, look we're not doing much that's dangerous, we've got the scouts with us. Harley's Harleys are going in first to flush out any villains just to be safe."

Daphne nodded, the scouts' safety came before clues. Just in case things went south Harley had alerted 'the cavalry' though given Harley's history that could mean anyone, or anything.

The Boy Scouts arrived to help, they used the hall as well and would be just as affected by a closure as would the Girl Scouts.

"Good, right on time. So, this is the plan..." Velma went over for a brief discussion with their leaders. After the meeting the boy scouts left happy with their tasks.

"They'll check over the hall and St Hildegard's with a fine tooth comb." Velma explained as she walked back to Harley and Daphne, Harley gave Velma a quizzical look while Daphne nodded in understanding then turned to Harely.

"Right, you see if we start putting the heat on whoever's doing this things might get spooky here." Daphne pointed to the hall they were in.

"They'll be checking for hidden volumetric projectors, hidden passages, hallucinogens in the incense, that kind of..." Velma rolled off a list of items.

"Stuff and if there is nothing there we have a baseline should things start to happen." Daphne concluded as she held Velma's hand. Harley gave a muffled snort of laughter at the pair of them.

"What? What's so funny?" Daphne and Velma said in unison.

"Seriously, when's the wedding?" Harley laughed.

The girls glanced at each other, their unspoken question was would Harley expect an invite if they told her the date?

"Emmmm, soon. Dress shopping when my sister is back from college." Velma said nervously as Harley gave an excited squee and clapped her hands together.

"Gather round girls!" Troop Leader clapped her hands together ending Harley's questions, the girl scouts clustered round. The Troop Leader then gave a brief rousing talk, everyone needed to muck in together to save the troop, the hut and get badges. It had the desired effect on the scouts who seemed ready to take on the world, even Daphne and Velma were encouraged by it. The plan was simple, the scouts would split into two groups, one would go with Daphne for a walk around the neighbourhood then onto the library and local records office to research the factory and follow what leads they had got so far. The other group would go with Velma to investigate the factory itself. Harley and her gang of Harleys would keep watch over both groups to make sure nothing happened.

Daphne and her scouts proved an ideal combination, the scouts knew the area like the back of their hands while Daphne's years of mystery solving in novel locations enabled her to ask the right questions of the scouts and to see things they didn't. It was clear to Daphne that there was a slow but steady gentrification of the surrounding area. This wasn't the kind of work that sought to improve the lot of the existing inhabitants, it was the kind that priced them out, to make the poor poorer until they would be forced to move out and so 'gentrify' the area. Rather than lift people up, it pushed them away, she'd seen that number before, but couldn't see if that was connected with the haunting or just coincidence. There were new businesses opening up but didn't seem to offer the products that would be of use in day-to-day existence. She seriously doubted that the local population had much use for a shop selling just artisan balsamic vinegars. A morning of walking about had made the scouts thirsty and Daphne with questions and the names of shops to act as starting points for the next part of their work. They went to a local convenience store to fill up. Daphne scratched her chin as she waited for the scouts to pick their snacks. All the property activity put her in mind of Dinkley's 3rd law of mystery solving 'It's usually unscrupulous real-estate developers'. Daphne paid the bill and they left, as they walked down the sidewalk Daphne looked over her shoulder she caught sight of Cookie, one of Harley's Harleys. They shared a nod of recognition and Cookie gave them a thumbs up, so far, so good.

Daphne split the scouts up into pairs and handed them each a couple of items to investigate, who owned a new shop, planning applications on a street, historical changes and so on. It wasn't long before they scouts were eagerly beavering away, this wasn't homework; this was important as badges were at stake. Slowly but surely the dots were being found, it was too early to join them but Daphne was beginning to get a sense of the shape of the case and the connections between the players. She seemed to be endlessly walking between the scouts and the photocopier to make hardcopies of the information they had found. In many ways it was quite meditative, she could sense a definite direction of travel to the clues, they may not have found the centre of the web, but she knew enough of clue hunting to know that there was one. Daphne got them to swap over from time-to-time to keep their minds fresh, she encouraged them to dig deeper, chase leads till they ran dry, go for multiple sources of evidence, and as always _follow the money_.

While Daphne's scouts were pounding the mean streets of the city Velma's were looking through the bowels of the factory. One thing Velma had driven into them was the importance of leaving a clue where they found it as the location itself was also a clue. Velma had cemented this by asking them to make a 'clue table' to show what they had found and _where_. 'Photograph your way in, photograph your way' out was the motto and fortunately the Mystery Machine had a supply of simple digital cameras which were passed out to the scouts before they were loosed on the factory. The scouts seemed to be in a million places at once forcing Velma to resort to quantum mechanics to work out where the individual scouts probably were.

Finally Velma got a break when she was called over, something had been found.

"Hmmmmm, beard oil?" Velma crotched down to examine a bottle one of the scouts had just found lying on the floor.

"Is it a clue? What's it for?" All the other girl scouts crowded round to see what had been found each trying to peer over the other to get a better view. Velma took out a plastic bag and slipped it over the bottle so she could pick it up without touching it. A brief note of where it had been found was written on the bag before it was deposited in her rucksack for later study.

"It sure is and I don't know but clues are like that in the beginning." Velma stroked her chin wondering who on earth would want an oily beard.

"I found a clue! I got my clue badge! I got my clue badge!" the Girl Scout almost jumped up and down with excitement.

"And now we need to work on the 'being quiet while looking for clues' badge." Velma said quickly making hand gestures telling them to keep the noise down.

"I was quiet!"

"So was I!"

"Me too!"

"Me!"

"Me!"

Velma sighed and they hadn't even had any sugar yet, she wondered how Troop Leader managed it.

"Well let's go and look for more clues **quietly**."

After that the clues came thick and fast, the scouts sharp eyes and proximity to the ground helped then ferret out the smallest details. Even if it wasn't a clue Velma had the good grace not to mention it, she and Daphne had discussed this, they needed the scouts to dig things out without causing any to get disheartened, they would sort the sheep from the goats later. There was a designer beard comb from a company called Beardalicious if the marking were anything to go by. A discarded coffee cup with a salted caramel and cinnamon scent which caused Velma to briefly get lost in the smell. An instant kimchi wrapper, some kale that had seen better days, an empty bottle of cold-brew coffee, scraps of handmade paper… Soon Velma's rucksack was full and it was time to go.

"Finding a clue is one thing, but it's just a bag of bits until it's all put together. Some people find clues, some people put them together, we need both. Let's go to work, after snacks!" The scouts cheered, Velma didn't mind this time.

Daphne's troop were back first, after a drink of squash they set about creating clue posters to show what they have found. This activity was in full swing when Velma's troop arrived carrying the clues still in their evidence bags and they started on their clue table. Velma was the one last back in the hall, she trudged in wearily dragging her rucksack along the floor.

"What did you find out Vel? What happened?" Daphne rushed over full of concern over Velma's haggard appearance.

"They don't need sugar." Velma rested her head on Daphne's shoulder and sighed "so tired."

"Awwww," Daphne put her arms around Velma and guided her to a bench, she sat down while Velma lay down and used Daphne's lap as a pillow and was soon fast asleep. Daphne let the scouts get on with things, only stirring to stop Velma snoring or to give advice when asked. The boy scouts returned with their contribution, a large poster with smiley faces on for each of the areas they had checked. The hall and St Hildegarde's were clear as they had predicted. It showed to Daphne that whoever was behind this had just the factory as a target, for now.

Soon the display tables were nearing completion and ready for inspection leaving Daphne the unenvious task of waking Velma

"And here we found this coffee..." a scout put the bag containing the coffee cup on the table

"The coffee!" Velma was awake in an instant, she sat bolt upright causing Daphne to fall off the bench much to the scouts' amusement. "Right gang," Velma rubbed her hands together "Let's see what you've done while I was resting."

Everyone went home happy, for the scouts they were no longer the passive victims but were now on the front line fighting to save the hall and their troop. For the others whilst it was more sobering as it was clear they were up against a well-crafted scheme but at least they were aware of it and now had the chance to do something about it. As soon as Daphne and Velma arrived back at their hotel they went and had dinner, there was work to do before bedtime and they wanted to eat and unwind for a bit before reviewing the day's events.

With a good meal and a couple of glasses of wine inside them the girls returned to their room. They sat on the edge of the bed, kicked off their shoes and got ready to change into their nightclothes for a relaxed evening of sifting through clues.

"Emmn, Vel?" Daphne asked coyly, her face reddening slightly "I, I was wondering."

"What Daph?" Velma stopped taking off her sweater and leant against Daphne.

"Emmm?" Daphne's finger snaked down the ribs of Velma's sweater "if you were to kidnap me, what emm, what would you do to meuuump!?" Velma clamped her hand over Daphne's mouth and pulled her close.

"Let me show you..." Velma began to pull Daphne onto the bed while Daphne struggled ineffectively, loving every second of being overpowered…

"Please, please let me cum!" Daphne begged. After being 'overpowered' Daphne had been stripped and tied to the bed. Velma had had then proceeded to keep Daphne on the edge of an orgasm for over an hour.

"Only if you agree to be my sex-slave, forever." Velma whispered.

"Yes, yes, please, I'll do anything!" at that point Daphne wasn't pretending, she felt she was on the verge of losing her mind.

Velma clamped her hand over Daphne's mouth, seconds later Daphne exploded in pleasure. Daphne awoke a while later to find herself curled in a ball, tucked up under the covers. She lifted her head and saw Velma wearing Daphne's silk dressing gown sitting at the desk carefully looking through the papers. Daphne sat up and rubbed her eyes, on hearing movement Velma turned round and smiled at Daphne.

"Hey sleepyhead you awake now?"  
"I, I think so. Ohhhh my legs feel all wobbly."

"Good, now seeing as you agreed to be my slave…" Velma showed Daphne a leather collar and lead, the mischievous twinkle in her eye caused Daphne's heart to skip a beat.

"F, for real this time?" Daphne was breathless.

Velma opened her robe, underneath she was naked

"Get under the table slave, I've a job for you."


	6. Crisis on Infinite Coffee Shops

The girls were at the scout hall not long after breakfast, a map of the area had been stuck to the wall of the hall so they could plot the clues and the links between them in the physical space. The only other people there were Harley, Coach and Father Gibbons, they provided the local knowledge that the girls lacked. After several hours a clear pattern emerged.

"All roads lead to Rome, and in our case 'Rome' is here." Velma placed a marker on a map on top of a newly opened coffee shop, "the Trojan Horse of gentrification."

"All roads lead to coffee." Said Daphne.

"Amen to that." said Coach.

"Preach it sister!" cried Harley.

"The next question is, what do we do about it?" said Coach.

"We need to follow this up, it could be the decisive clue." Said Daphne, Velma nodded in agreement.

"We need a plan." Velma said thoughtfully "So, what do we need to know?" She put her chin in her hand and went quiet for a few moments as she thought.

They quickly developed a plan, first someone would go in as a customer to scout about and see if they could match any of the items found in the factory with what was on sale in the shop, and second to look for possible ways in for a later 'visit' once the shop was closed.

"We need to scout the area." Said Daphne dangling the keys to the Mystery Machine "let's go."

"I suggest a more cautious approach," Father Gibbons spoke up "your van is very distinctive to say the least and has been at the factory. Some of my parishioners live in a nursing home near there and some of the scouts come from the orphanage opposite the shop so I'm familiar with the area and my car being in the area will not arouse suspicion."

Velma and Daphne nodded at each other, that made sense.

Father Gibbons drove Daphne and Velma around the area in his car, stopping off at the nursing home and orphanage so nothing would look out of the ordinary for his visit.

"Jeepers, talk about beard central." Daphne commented as they drove around the location.

"Yeah and these aren't beards 'cause you just can't be bothered to shave or to keep your chin warm." Velma nodded "I mean jinkies, there's mutton-chops, a handle bar moustache already. All they need is a stovepipe hat and a cape."

"Speaking of which their clothes are very distinct, individually they are distinctive but together it is clearly a uniform, a subculture. Never really noticed it till now." Father Gibbons drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he looked out of the window. They parked up opposite the shop enabling Daphne to use a small parabolic microphone to eavesdrop on conversations but couldn't make out much over the sound of steam from the coffee machines. They'd got all they were going to get out of the trip so headed back to finalise their plans.

"That area has changed a lot in a short time," Father Gibbons lent back in his chair "I play chess at the chessboards in the park with some of the people in the nursing home."

"And?" said Daphne.

"You get to hear a lot of conversations, those with the beards have a quirky and unique view of the world, real caffeine heads, like a lot of retro items but have a serious dislike for the trivialities of modern life and culture."  
"Yeah, where would we find someone like that?" Harley stroked her chin in thought.

"Why are you all looking at me?" said Velma suspiciously.

"Uhhhh, it's itchy." Velma complained as Daphne placed a hand-knitted orange beanie on her head to complete the disguise.

"Oh stop fussing, it's all about layers."

From the waist down Velma looked the same albeit with longer socks, from the waist up she was dressed in several layers of red and orange, a t-shirt, long-sleeve shirt, waistcoat and a jacket all set off with an orange beanie.

"Where did you find all this stuff anyway?" Velma adjusted the beanie.

"Oh local thrift stores, retro chic stores." Velma raised an eyebrow, Daphne wasn't known as the gang's quartermaster for nothing. "Ready?"

"No."

"Good, lets run through the plan." Daphne took Velma's hand and took her into the main hall where the others were waiting ignoring Velma's muttered complaints about this not being in her contract.

"Right, this is the route you'll take," On the wall map Daphne traced out the route Velma would follow "Big Tony, Cookie and Harvey Quinn will be at these points to see if you're being followed. Hanuquinn and Sy Borgman will be staked out opposite the coffee shop. There're few outdoor chess tables where they can sit and watch without arousing suspicion as Sy can pass as a resident of the nursing home."

Once everything was in place Velma was dropped off and began to walk the route. The word came back from Big Tony that there were people acting as lookouts but that Velma wasn't being followed. As soon as Velma entered the shop Hanuquinn started a timer on the chess table. Sy trained a thermal camera built into his wheelchair onto the store, Velma's beanie had been sprayed with a coating which absorbed infra-red light so would be clearly visible as a black blob on the image. Velma could be seen going to the counter and staying there for a while before sitting down at a table. A while later something hot was brought to her and not long after that the door to the shop closed. Velma was seen moving quickly to back of store, Hannuquinn started the other timer.

"Well, time for Sy to do what Sy needs to do." Sy slowly reversed his wheelchair away from the table. Hannuquinn looked at Sy, it was clear something was going down but it wasn't clear what.

"You goin' for help already?"

"Going to the bathroom, ever since I started new tablets I can't go more than an hour without having to syphon the python." Sy gave her a wave as he drove off down the side-walk.

"Oy." Hanuquinn sighed, putting her head in her hands.

"If she's not out by the time I get back _then_ we go to get help." He called over his shoulder.

In the back of the store Velma was surrounded, bar a couple curled up on the floor groaning with their hands between their legs and another bandaging their hand. Her attempt to get out via the ladies' toilet thwarted. Her arms were held behind her back by one beardy person while another pressed a wad of cloth over her mouth. The group parted slightly to let another through, the man was tall, had a long curvy beard and a monocle of all thing. He was wearing a smart suit jacket, crips white shirt and tie which didn't go with the denim dungaree short things he wore. If it wasn't so scary Velma would have laughed out loud at the sight of him.

"Tie her up and put her in the attic room, the boss will want to talk to her later." Said Mr Monocle, he pulled the beanie off her head and compared her to a photograph "Yeah, she's been seen at the factory."

Velma grunted as her arms were twisted so her palms faced outwards, her wrists were then bound together and cinched, to add to her problems her thumbs were also tied together. Further grunting accompanied her elbows being forced together then bound. Coils of rope were then used to pin her arms to her torso then cinched tight to complete the package. Velma didn't need to struggle to know she wasn't getting free from this without help. The wad of cloth was forced into her mouth then held in place by a knotted scarf which was tied tightly behind the back of her head.

Velma was dragged more kicking than screaming up several flights of stairs to the top of the building before being pushed into a dimly-lit room. The only light in the room came from a small window set high in the wall. Velma gave a muffled scream as she stumbled and landed hard on her side, her glasses flying across the room. Velma shook her head to clear it, she could just about make out one of her captors walk past her then bend down to pick something up.

"Retro frames, nice." He held them up and looked through them "Man, that is just so wrong. Well you won't need these for a while." Velma gave a squeal of protest at what could only be her glasses were placed out of sight and out of reach. Her captors moved about the room, she guessed checking that there was nothing to aid her escape and that the window was locked before they walked out locking the door behind them.

Velma lay still for a while to catch her breath before wriggling across the floor to under the window then closed her eyes, lay her head on the ground and waited for her night vision to get online. She could feel a throbbing in her thigh from where she landed, that was going to going to leave a mark for sure. She waited for what she thought was ten minutes before using her legs to push herself upright. In this position the light from the window would illuminate the room and not mess up her night vision. Squinting Velma could make out enough of the room for her needs. There were a few crates, all wooden but a couple with what looked like bright or shiny edges. No immediate sign of her glasses but the windowsill or the top of a crate were the obvious places for them to have been put.

Moving carefully about the room she began to examine the crates. Before she performed any heroics Velma made sure she had checked the whole room out for clues. One marking she could make out was 'Beardalicious' marked on a couple of crates, a clue for sure. Of more interest were the crates with shiny edges. The shiny edge being metal, was it pointy enough to cut through her bonds? There was only one way to find out. Velma needed to press hard against the metal edge of crate if she was to have any hope of cutting through the ropes. Because of how her arms were bound she would need the crate to be high enough so she could use her knees which meant moving a stack of crates into the corner of the room. Easier said than done… There was nothing she could do to stop the crate from falling so immediately went for plan B. She stood by the door and tripped up the first person to rush in to investigate the sound. A quick kick in the groin gave the person something to do rather than following her. She rushed out the door, inadvertently shoulder barging another of her captors into the far wall. With the immediate threat dealt with she headed for the stairs. It was the stairs that were her undoing, the combination of being bound and without her glasses slowed her progress to a crawl and she was soon overwhelmed and recaptured and dragged back to the room. Despite her struggles first her ankles then above and below knees were bound. A hard wooden chair was brought in and she the lashed to that and bound to that, her ankles were pulled under the chair and secured to the back. She was now going nowhere, her only hope of rescue lay with Daphne and Harley.

Back at the hall Daphne paced about, her insides twisted with worry. Velma was long overdue, she knew something had happened, she could just feel it. She went into side room to fret in private out of sight of the scouts. It was a full house tonight, both the Boy and Girl scouts were in as Red Tool was running an impromptu woodwork class for them all. Finally came the confirmation that Daphne had been dreading, Velma had gone into coffee shop but hadn't come out. Not long after she was seen hurrying to the back of the shop it had closed up suddenly. Those figures identified earlier as lookouts moved back towards the shop and it all went quiet, the lack of activity was suspicious in itself. It was little comfort that they had all but confirmed their theory that the coffee shop was the base of operations for those behind the haunting of the factory.

From the changing light in the room and growing ache in her limbs Velma guessed it was late afternoon or early evening. The monotony of her captivity was broken as the door was unlocked and a covered table brought it as set before her.

"These are for later, to help you talk."

Velma blinked as her glasses put back on. She was left alone with the covered table, under which could only be instruments of torture, she tried not to image what they might be; unfortunately Velma had a good imagination.

Daphne refused to panic, that didn't help. In many ways she was calmer now as she knew what to do, and to do it with _extreme_ prejudice. It was obvious that the place was in lock-down, and that if they moved in without a plan they would be noticed before they got there and put Velma in more danger. She and Harley paced about trying to plan what they could do.

"And I'm fresh outta RPG rounds," Harley huffed, then her face lit up and she clicked her fingers "But I know just who ta call for help." Harley grabbed an armful of black construction paper, sticky tape and some scissors from the scouts craft cupboard and ran out the door. Daphne looked out of the door to see Red Tool picking up a circular saw blade and describing how it worked. She wondered if he had any spare she could borrow.

Finally Monocle man and a few other entered the room. Behind them as another man, head and shoulders taller than the rest, his shoulders were so wide they barely fit through the door. His arms were as thick as a regular man's thighs, at the end were hands the size of dish plates. Velma squirmed and whimpered slightly as they came around her, one held her head forcing her to look at the table as it was uncovered. It took a few seconds for her to pluck up the courage to see the horrors that were about to be inflicted on her. Velma blinked, surprised and nonplussed at sight in front of her. Somebody screamed, Velma checked, it wasn't her.

"It, it's powder, budget powder!" one of the beards ran into the corner and had a panic attack "oxidized, already oxidized." They mumbled, curled up in a ball.

Velma wasn't a fan of coffee powder, especially budget coffee powder but...

"No, no source of beans, are you sure it has to be this?" another held up the packet with trembling hands, they staggered slightly and had to be supported by others.

"Easy boys, remember the boardwalk, this is revenge."

Velma watched in bafflement as monocle man made a cup of coffee, badly. Too many spoonfuls of coffee, then boiling water – that had Velma worried, followed by several spoonfuls of white sugar, then budget UHT milk. By this time one of the beards had fainted and several looked visibility ill and traumatized. Velma was ungagged, before she could say anything her head was pulled back to force her mouth open, her nose was pinched and the mixture poured quickly into her mouth. Velma coughed and choked as she swallowed the unpleasant mixture. Not the worst coffee she had tasted but not far off it. Still the water in it was welcome. As soon as she had swallowed the coffee they let go of her head, Velma coughed and gasped for breath. Her head was grabbed again and held still.

"What do you know about the factory?"

"They're are places where stuff is made. Where real people do real work."

Again her head was pulled back, nose pinched and another, stronger and sweeter cup of bad coffee poured into her mouth. Monocle man bent down and growled right in her face. "What do you know about the factory."

Velma's reply was a stream of coffee directed a monocle man's face. Objectively spitting the coffee at him wasn't the best idea but she had had enough of this theatre of the absurd.

"S, she means business, boss..." There were gasps of shock and disgust from many of the beards.

"And so do we." The huge figure said in a quiet, menacing voice.

Monocle man wiped his face, he snapped his fingers. Immediately the wad of cloth was stuffed back into her mouth, the strip of cloth holding it in place was tied as tight as it could, cutting into the sides of her mouth. This forced the packing deep into her mouth, causing her to cough and choke on it.

Velma was then freed from the chair and forced to her knees. She struggled with all her might, muffled screams filled the room as a hangman's noise was made in front of her, placed around her neck and tightened.


	7. Is That A Batsignal In Your Pocket

It was early evening, the sky was beginning to darken and the city lights began to come on. In Wayne Manor Alfred was walking down a corridor on his way to see Bruce Wayne, it was nearly dinner time after all. As he walked he glanced out of the window, he stopped and looked out at the sky. It was full of clouds but it wasn't the weather which had attracted his attention. After a few moments he set off again, this time at a faster pace. He stopped at a set of ornate double doors, knocked then entered.

"Master Bruce?"

"Alfred?" Bruce Wayne was sitting in an armchair reading a report from one of Wayne Industries' labs; he put the paper down and looked at Alfred; he knew something was up from the tone of his voice.

"Batsignal sir, but something isn't quite right with it."

"Let me see."

Alfred led Bruce to the window, Bruce frowned and took out a set of binoculars from a nearby side-table; he held them up to his eyes.

"I see what you mean Alfred," Bruce said after a few moments of study then passed the binoculars to Alfred.

"Far be it from me to suggest sir but on closer inspection it does rather resemble the cleavage of a well-endowed young lady."

"Alfred, place a call to Kara Zor-L, inform her that Harley Quinn requires her immediate assistance."

Alfred nodded "I will call Miss Starr at once sir, and Commissioner Gordon to inform him that the batsignal requires repair. Will there be anything else sir?"

"That will be all, thank you Alfred."

While Daphne worked on her back-up plan Harley had put hers into action and recruited a group of older girl scouts, decked them out with camouflage paint and makeshift weapons like tennis rackets and some of her spare mallets. The plan was to go over to the coffee shop and while a couple of her Harleys created a diversion she would lead the scouts in and rescue Velma. Harley and the scouts crept out of the hall, they had barely put their feet on the sidewalk when Batgirl dropped down in front of them stopping them in their tracks. The scouts stared, unable to believe their eyes at seeing Batgirl in the flesh.

"Babs! You wanna join our rescue party!" Harley held her arms open wide and grabbed Batgirl in a tight hug.

"What's going on Harley?" Batgirl extracted herself from Harley's embrace and dusted herself down.

"Ya heard of Mystery Incorporated?" Batgirl nodded "Well there were ghosts and, well I ain't afraid of no ghosts but..."

"Cut to the chase Harley."

Harley huffed at having her dramatic moment ruined "Velma was undercover following a lead and has been snagged by the baddies."

"Ok, but what are they doing here?" Batgirl whispered angrily, pointing at the scouts "Harley, they're just kids this isn't a game."

"Awwww Babs, don't cha see it? They're 'Harley's Irregulars' the baddest mercenaries in business!" Harley enthused. Batgirl gave a pained look as the scouts stood to attention and tried to salute. Then it was Harely's turn to whisper. She grabbed Batgirl's arm and pulled her close.

"If they can't go then whose gonna rescue Velma? I'm outta RPG rounds and Daphne's gonna go all Red Tool on 'em if nothin' happens soon."

"You rang?" Batgirl pointed upwards, they followed the direction of Batgirl's finger to see Power Girl hovering overhead.

"PG!" Harley Quinn jumped up to hug Power Girl as soon as she had landed "you came!"

The scouts' mouths dropped even lower, Batgirl _and_ Power Girl, together, outside their hall!

"Alfred called me, I went to your place and Coach told me where you were and what was going on. What's the problem?" Power Girl looked at the scouts with a puzzled look on her face.

In the attic room Velma was struggling, and failing to keep her composure. They had taken her refusal to talk after drinking the coffee as a challenge. After freeing her from the chair the ropes holding her arms to her torso had been removed and one thrown a roof beam. Velma was forced to her knees then a spare rope was used to tie her ankles to the top of her thighs and her waist. Another rope was turned into a noose and placed over her neck with the remaining rope was dropped under her arms then tied to her ankles forcing her to keep her back straight. One of the ends hanging from the beam was then secured to her wrists, the other end was then pulled forcing Velma's arms up higher and higher till they were parallel to the floor leaving Velma perched precariously on her knees. The leader dropped her glasses at her knees.

"If you can pick your glasses up then you're free to go. If not, see you later."

And there Velma had remained, balancing on her knees, trying to keep her back arched so as to not to choke herself. That meant that there was more strain on her shoulders and arms, she really wanted to move her shoulders forward but that increased the tension round her throat to unbearable levels. Her captors had returned once to check she wasn't getting free and had simply tightened all the ropes to increase the tension on her body. It was clear they were serious in getting answers. She had lost all sense of time, but she knew she couldn't take any more of this and tried to think of a damage limitation scheme. The next thing Velma knew the noose around her neck was gone and she was flying through the air starring at the blurry lights of Gotham far below.

"Don't worry, we'll be at St Hildegard's soon, I've got you glasses."

In a quiet area at the back of St Hildegard's Daphne paced about waiting for Power Girl to return, more worried now than on hearing of Velma's capture. Intellectually she knew 'PG' was the best person to do this, but this was _her_ Velma who was in danger and she wanted to be there. The area was secure, Batgirl waited with her while Nightwing was outside being obviously Nightwing. Of course if things got really dicey then there was always Red Tool. Daphne shook her head, that was an option they didn't want to explore in a hurry. She rested against the stonework of the church and looked up to the sky, soon she'd be waiting for Velma in happier circumstances and tried to focus on that to distract herself from waiting. Daphne felt a tap on her shoulder, Batgirl pointed to a point in the sky where there was a rapidly approaching white and orange shape which quickly resolved itself into Power Girl and Velma. 'PG' delivered Velma into Daphne's waiting arms. Daphne lowered herself to the ground and all but tore the gag from Velma's mouth.

"I'm OK now, I'm OK now." Velma gasped as Daphne held her close, rocking her back and forth. while the others moved away to give them a few moments privacy.

"We need to get you free but it's going to hurt." Batgirl looked at how Velma was bound thinking of where best to begin. "Best start with the leg, those big muscle groups will need time to recover. Here, these'll help."

Batgirl handed Daphne some fast acting painkillers to give to Velma then took out her batknife ready to cut the ropes.

"They've got little bats on them." Daphne looked at the tablets before popping them into Velma's mouth.

"Batsprin," Said Batgirl, she turned to Velma "Ready?"

"Ready." Velma nodded and Batgirl set to work "Don't destroy the rope, its evidence." Velma gasped as the tension in her legs began to ease and the first stab of pain hit her. "Just go for it." Better to have all the pain in one go than prolong it. Batgirl stood aside, there was a blur as Power Girl unbound Velma from head-to-toe in an instant. Velma felt like screaming from the sensory overload as blood poured into every muscle at once when she felt herself surrounded by a warm glow, like she was under a heat-lamp. A faint moan escaped her lips as she felt the tension and ache in her muscles begin to ease. The heat was good, but Daphne's embrace was better.

"We know who to call when the heat-lamps in the JLA canteen fail." Batgirl quipped as Power Girl used her heat vision to warm Velma's aching muscles.

As soon as Velma had regained her composure and was able to walk unaided it was time to see the scouts and show them that she was fundamentally ok albeit sore and stiff, plus some wicked rope burns. As soon as Velma entered the hall the scouts clustered around, all wanting to see for themselves that she was ok. While the scouts were distracted the Troop Leader took Harley outside for a little talk, she was more than annoyed with what Harley had done in potentially putting the scouts in harm's way. There were few things in the world that genuinely scared Harley Quinn and in the Troop Leader she'd just found another person to add to that list. The dressing down she had received was bad enough, the discovery that there was no 'Private Military Contractor' badge was even worse. The Troop Leader was also concerned that they, the hall and the church were now targets. Harley's initial reassurances that all was well as the JLA were on the case were greeted with some scepticism until Power Girl, Batgirl and Nightwing showed up and introduced themselves.

Meanwhile in the hall the rope was added to the clue table by one of the adult helpers

"It looks like some kind of thick parcel twine." They said feeling the rope.

"Rustic it may have been but it still rubbed my skin raw." Velma winced as a relay team of scouts applied moisturising lotion to her wrists, knees and ankles. It was a rare thing to have a real-life patient to look after for their first-aid badge so all the scouts were having a go. Plus it helped them as they all could feel that they had helped make Velma better though Daphne did wonder if it was possible to overdose on moisturiser. A couple of other scouts working on their psychiatry badge had a less compliant patient in Daphne who continued to pace about as she clucked and fussed over Velma. It was then that Harley and a couple of her 'irregulars' came over to see how Velma was doing.

"Clue!" one of the 'irregulars' pointed at the rope and shouted so loudly that everyone jumped out of their skins.

"Jinkies!"

"Jeepers!"

"Owwwww!" Harley dropped mallet on her foot, she hopped about trying not to swear while the presence of scouts. Daphne opened the door to a nearby janitor closet and pushed Harley inside then leant against the door whistling loudly to drown out the muffled cursing coming from within.

While this was going on Velma limped over to the scout to find out.

"So, about this clue?"

"Well my grandfather used to be yachtsman and taught me how to make rope and tie knots, I've got all my knot badges see?" Velma nodded and made approving noises waiting for the scout to get back on target "and that rope looks handmade. I miss my grandpa." The scout's voice was tinged with sadness.

"Can you show us how you make ropes?" Velma smiled, the scout perked up, it was a small act of kindness to the scout and it would distract the others from learning any of Harley's more colourful vocabulary. It may also be another clue. They all gathered round to listen "Right, start at the beginning..."

"Your grandfather was a very good teacher, and you're a very good learner." Said Velma at the end of the lesson, it had been cathartic for all of them. The sharp eyes of the scout had noticed that each coil had a little label sewn onto it. This had all got Velma thinking, she glanced at Daphne.

"Why?" Daphne voiced Velma's question.

"Why indeed." Why would you use so much expensive hand-made rope when cheaper options were available? A brief search on that label and those on the scarves used as gags revealed they came out of artisan workshops.

"Then there was that business with the coffee." Velma muttered. Before anyone could ask she went to look at the clue display again and was soon lost in thought. One of the scouts crept over to check if Velma was asleep. Daphne looked at Velma and felt insides go all fluttery. It was that 'lost in thought' expression that had enchanted her in the first place.

"She's in a clue trance." Daphne said wistfully to Harley as she finally exited the janitor's closet "She's just so cute like it." Harley took a step towards Velma as a mischievous grin spread over her face "And quite vicious if you rouse her before she's finished." Harley stepped back.

Suddenly as if controlled by an outside force Velma walked up to the tables and began to join the disparate clues together using string and to mark out where information was missing, gaps in knowledge to follow up, that would confirm or disprove whatever hypothesis was hidden behind those glasses. There was a subtle change in Velma's expression, she began to rearrange the display, altering the links as Velma reindexed the knowledge. Her lips moved as she spoke quietly to herself lecturing an imaginary audience, the act forcing her to put the ideas and evidence in order. Harley hid behind Daphne disturbed by the working of the 'clue zombie'. Daphne bit her bottom lip, mentally undressing Velma as she worked, imagining her in all kinds of sexy and insubstantial lingerie.

Velma's expression changed, her eyes came back into focus and she looked up at crowd

"Hipsters." Velma said in a matter-of-fact way.

"Hipsters!"

"Hipsters?"

"What's a hipster?"

"My grandma has an artificial hip, is she a hipster?"


	8. Message In a Carton

Velma began to outline why she had come to this conclusion, about how they dressed, spoke, how there were links to some of the other clues they had found earlier, their obsession with expense coffee. Then she started to describe some of the people she had seen

"And their leader, oh jinkies, he was massive almost seven feet tall, huge hands I mean massive the size of someone's head. Then there was his side-kick with a monocle and the most ridiculous dungaree shorts… "

As Velma described the appearance of her captors a look of recognition began to creep over Harley's face.

"Jinkies, now I get it! It all make sense!" Harley exclaimed putting her hand to her forehead "They're back! They're at it again!"

"Who?" said Daphne, Velma walked over while the scouts gathered round.

Harley's face became underlit, her voice low and angry "The Hipster Mafia."

"I was wondering where my torch had gone." Daphne snatched the torch from Harley's hand.

"Hey, atmosphere, you're ruining ta atmosphere!" Harley sounded put-out.

"Torches aside, tell us about them Harley." Velma moved between Harley and Daphne to stop any squabbling over the torch.

"Imagine Williamsburg in Brooklyn."

"Do I have to, ow, Daph." Velma winced as Daphne gave her the elbow.

"So this bunch of crooks were there with their neck-beards and sleeve tattoos, all set up with their stalls selling $20 yurt-burgers, kimchi shakes and other deconstructed nonsense. Pushin' local traders outta business and local people away." Harley spoke in hushed tones like she was commentating on sports event "Then Coach figured it all out, their plan was ta gentrify the area, drive out the locals, drive up the property prices and customers into their 'Artisan' shops. They were even campaigning for the pavement to be covered with organic asphalt for crying out loud!"

"So what happened?" said Daphne.

"We happened, me an' ma gang of Harleys went down there and beat the crap out of them, that's what happened."

"Well, that's one way of dealing with things." Daphne looked about, scouts and the JLA meant it probably wouldn't work this time.

"Yeah, but we need to find another way." Velma stroked her chin "Perhaps we can ask Batgirl."

While the others discussed possible options for the way ahead Harley pulled Power Girl aside.

"PG, drop this off at those bearded Mafioso's pad would ya?" she handed Power Girl a covered silver platter like that used in restaurants and hotels to cover food.

"Just sending a message, wanna remind 'em who they're dealing with." Harley explained on seeing the quizzical expression on PowerGirl's face "Next best thing to splatting them with a baseball bat."

"Is that wise?" asked Daphne on overhearing the conversation, pulling Velma closer as if to protect her.

"Nope," sighed Batgirl "but that's Harley."

Now that the excitement had died down the scouts began to flag due to hunger and how late it was.

"Plan 14?" Daphne looked at Velma who nodded. Again Daphne fired up the Blake family credit card and soon pizzas and sides were appearing in sufficient numbers for everyone, scout and helper to take home for both them and their families. The sudden infusion of food bring the scouts back to life. Daphne sighed, resting her chin on the top of Velma's head "I always wanted to be Homecoming Queen, but pizza is just as good I suppose."

"This is the plan, the children will go home as normal and we'll step in where needed." Power Girl said.

"I'll do a quick pass through the area, just to start scaring any creeps away." Nightwing got on his motorcycle and roared off into the neighbourhood.

"I'll do a quick fly about and see what I can see." With that Power Girl took to the air.

"Great, I'll do all the thinking then shall I?" Batgirl grumbled to herself, she pulled out her Batcommunicator "Alfred, I need eyes in the sky here, we need to get these kids home safely." Batgirl looked at the list of addresses and started to plan the most efficient way of getting the scouts home.

"At once Miss Gordon, cameras coming up now, we will have JLA satellite coverage of the area in just over five minutes."

"Right, lets get you lot home safely..." Batgirl turned to face the assembled mass of scouts.

One Boy Scout walked down the sidewalk carrying two huge family size pizza with sides. Though he was tired the excitement kept him going. It had been ages since they had had a treat like this. He was bursting with pride, he'd got new badges, seen Batgirl and Nightwing in the flesh, had his photograph taken sitting in the Mystery Machine, got to sit on Nightwing's motorcycle, found clues and now everyone would have a treat. It was in absolute terms his best day ever. He was so focussed on happy thoughts he didn't notice the street thugs closing in on him. He rounded a corner, he was almost home everyone would be so happy. The thugs followed, there was nobody else about, it was pizza time. They stopped in their tracks, there was nobody there, the boy had vanished into thin air. One of them pointed to the shadows under a fire escape, there was a shape, someone was hiding in shadows. They shared a grin and crept over.

At home his mother knew something was wrong, he was late, there were gangs on street. He husband had just got home from a 12 hour shift but now getting ready to go out looking. But there were gangs on the streets. There was a knock on the door, an adult knock, she ran to the door fearing the worst only to see son wide eyed with excitement, laden down with food, the smell of hot pizza wafting through the door.

"Power Girl brought me home!" Her son excitedly exclaimed.

Before she could react to what her son had said she was distracted by movement out of the corner of her eye, she looked up. She stared in disbelief as Power Girl waved at her then flew away. A short distance away Nightwing walked towards his motorcycle leaving a groaning, bloodied pile of thugs heaped under a fire escape.

"I'm finished here Alfred, where next?"

Word quickly got about that the Bat family were in the neighbourhood and cracking heads of anyone who got in their way. Local street gangs and common crooks all headed for home as fast as they could, it wasn't safe to be on the streets. In the Batcave Bruce walked up to Alfred who was sitting at the JLA surveillance system monitoring progress of the scouts journey home.

"It seems Power Girl, Batgirl and Nightwing are running a pizza delivery service aided by the JLA surveillance system."

The pictures on screens showing Batgirl dealing with a street gang while Nightwing helped two girl scouts with their pizzas up the stairs to their front door. Another showed a smouldering wreckage of a pair or motorbikes cut in two by Power Girl's heat vision with the thugs scrambling away in terror. Nearby a pair of boy scouts walked up to their apartment blissfully unaware of the carnage behind them.

"I took the liberty of calling Miss Gordon and Master Grayson as soon as Miss Starr informed me that there were numerous children indirectly involved in the situation sir. I felt it advisable to get as they say more boots on the ground to ensure the children got home safely sir." Alfred kept his eyes on the monitors, his fingers typing away to give the trio their next assignments. Bruce nodded, Alfred's judgement of the situation was impeccable as ever. Something was brewing here and attention needed to be paid, even if it was simply to keep Harley in check.

"Alfred, what do we have on St Hildegard's and the scouts?"

Alfred took a memory stick from his waistcoat pocket and handed it to Bruce. "I took the liberty of doing some preliminary research sir and Miss Gordon has obtained a copy of the material Mystery Incorporated has found so far."

"Mystery Incorporated? So this is isn't just one of Harley's flights of fancy?"

"I afraid not sir, they seemed to have uncovered a well planned and extensive plot to gain control of various areas of the city."

Batman frowned and pulled up a chair, it was time to go to work.

In the coffee shop the hipster mafia were having a meeting to decide what to do. Things were serious, there was a risk that their activities had been compromised. Deconstructed soy lattes sat untouched as the arguments ebbed and flowed. One of their number was sent to see if their 'guest' was ready to talk. If they could get her to spill the beans that would tell them everything they needed to know. At the sound of shouting and feet running down the stairs they were all up and running up the stairs. They burst through the door to find a hole in the wall and where a covered silver platter where Velma had been. Cautiously the leader approached the platter, several of them raised their arms In protection as the lid was lifted. Under it was a carton of cheap full-fat milk past its sell by data.

"Quinn," the leader growled, crushing the carton in one of his huge hands.

As soon as it had confirmation that all the scouts and staff had got home safe it was time Daphne and Velma headed back to the hotel. Daphne was taking no chances as their taxi was followed by both Batgirl and Nightwing with PowerGirl flying overhead providing top cover, just in case. Only once they were inside their room did Daphne fell safe.

She the went into pamper overdrive, lighting candles, running a warm bath and adding so many bath oils to it that Velma felt she'd need another bath afterwards to clean up. Once in the bath Daphne cradled Velma in her arms, letting the heat from the bath sooth all her aches. Both of them focused on the here and now, that Velma was safe and back in Daphne's arms where she belonged. The bad 'could have been' hadn't happened. Velma found herself becoming increasingly 'warm and fuzzy', her head resting back and breathing slowing, not caring that they were both beginning to resemble prunes.

Once out of the bath Velma found that that pamper time wasn't over and in quick order she found herself lying face-down and naked on a towel on their bed while Daphne rubbed some kind of bruise cream on her thigh and other spots. Velma wasn't sure if her complete nudity was strictly necessary for this but as Daphne explained as she plucked Velma's nightshirt from her hands she needed to check her all over for bruises. At that moment Velma would have been more than happy just to go to sleep curled up next to Daphne, but Daphne was Daphne and Velma knew that it was because Daphne cared deeply for her. Velma sighed as Daphne's gentle knowing touch slowly massaged her aches and bruises away.

At some point Daphne had changed from using the bruise cream to a massage oil and Daphne shifted her focus to the whole Dinkley not just the bruised bits. Velma sighed and closed her eyes as her muscles and tension unwind under Daphne's attention as Daphne worked her hands and fingers over Velma's shoulders and back. Velma's eyes shot open and she gave an involuntary shudder as she felt the hard nubs of Daphne's nipples run over her back. The opening prelude of the 'whole body' massage Daphne had planned to give Velma on their honeymoon but now seemed more appropriate.

(A/N: Harley's first encountered The Hipster Mafia was in Harley Quinn And Her Gang Of Harleys #1 by DC Comics)


End file.
